The Bemusement Park
by Prustrian Informant
Summary: That troll's been trollin' too far! Kadota is sick of being tricked and fooled, Shinra and Erika may be able to help though... Let's set Izaya up on a date with Shizuo! M to be safe, we have some yaoi moments...


_**Wee~ All credit goes to 21lillian21~! Your idea was awesome! I think I might have had a spazz moment when I saw it. It just seems so obvious, yet hmm…**_

_** Well…**_

_** We shall see if I may do it justice. **_

_** Merry Christmas, my dear wondrous reviewer! **_

_**~.~**_

_** The Bemusement Park**_

_**~.~**_

__The sniffling came from behind the dumpster exactly five meters from the school gate. People passing through paused a bit before moving along.

Sadly, Kadota knew that if he chose to do the same thing, he would suffer a horrific fate like none other. Taking hesitant, begrudging step after step, he headed to the bushes. The pair of shoes and black pants poked out from underneath them. It was sad really, that he was so reluctant, wishing that he could be doing anything but this.

However, Kadota parted the bushes and stared down at his good friend tiredly, "problem Izaya?"

Oh, but who else would play with his emotions and usefulness like the beloved raven-haired informant.

The man pouted up at him, "she left me, Dotachin! I thought you said she liked me?"

Oh gods, why in the world was he choosing this precise moment to act like a teenager?

"Did she dump you?" Kadota didn't need to even wonder about the answer to his solution, he knew for a fact what had happened.

_"He tossed an entire bowl of wine onto her!" Erika squealed, "all because she wasn't letting him go mess with Shizu-chan!" The otaku squealed louder, giving the entire van ear problems, "IT'S SHIZAYA I TELL YOU! SHIZAYA FOR THE WIN!"_

"Yeah," Izaya wiped at his eyes and stared at the ground, kicking the dirt. "She was mad at me for no reason whatsoever besides my great love of humans." He looked up at the man and shook his head, "maybe I was just meant to be a god of all humanity without a wife."

Kadota waited a moment, watching Izaya wait before a realization went through him. Oh, this was where he was supposed to give the man a pep talk. Right. "Don't say that, Izaya." Uh… What else do people say in these situations… The man thought through what he'd heard Erika and Walker go on about. Hmm…

"Why shouldn't I say that?" Izaya looked at him, something glinting in mirth within those carmine eyes.

"Because… I uh… know someone who would be interested in dating you."

Izaya yawned, getting up and stretching a bit, "Nah, not interested." The informant turned on his heels and headed away, waving a small object in his hands, "as fun as it was to play human for a while, I gotta bounce. It's been a blast as always, Dotachin~!"

The informant grabbed a black-haired boy and his blond companion and spun them around, talking to them gleefully as he forced them to walk with him away from their school.

"For the last time, Izaya. It's Kadota, not Dotachin." He shook his head in frustration.

"Sir!" A teacher walked over and frowned at him, "do you have identification? We do not allow strangers to walk amongst the grounds of our school."

"Uh, yeah." Reaching into his pocket, Kadota shut his eyes and pressed his lips into a thin line, realizing just what Izaya had been waving at him as he had left…

Damn…

~.~

"Shinra, I'm telling you. This is the forth time this week that he's pulled something on me." Kadota looked to his friend pleadingly, "we need to do something about this."

"What do you suggest?" Shinra looked at him in amusement. "You really should have known better than to try to find someone for Izaya! Come on now, he doesn't have human emotions." The doctor adjusted his glasses, "He's nothing like my dear sweet wife~ coming home, giving those rare hugs of gloriousness…" His eyes shuttered shut, "making me feel like the-"

"DOTACHIN! SHINRA!" Arms wrapped around the duo as they both looked up to find none other than the devil himself. Izaya slid between them and grabbed Kadota's chopsticks, beginning to eat his food, "I'm sho glahd I fousnd yoush." He plopped the missing wallet on the table. "I foushnd thish in mah coat."

"You found it there?" The van member grabbed his wallet and glared at him, "I was held in the old detention room for three hours today, Izaya. It wasn't funny."

"What?" Izaya clasped his chest in horror. "That's awful! You should have called me. I would have bailed you out."

"I tried, you were being chased by Shizuo."

"Ah, and what a fun time that was~" the informant cooed, savoring the last of his food. "We have been running all morning. Bestest day ever~"

Shinra coughed before looking at Izaya, "Should I be expecting either of you today?"

"Well…" Izaya mused it over as he sipped at Kadota's drink, "hmm… expecting… me…or… Shizu-chan…today… What is today," he asked, as if he didn't already know.

"Monday."

"Ah, then who knows! You may see us, you may not!" He smiled as a growl ripped through the peaceful diner.

"I-ZA-YA-KUN~!"

"Oh! Shizzy's here!" Izaya turned and waved energetically, "SHIZU-CHAN! YOU MISSED ALL THE FUN! WE WERE ALL HAVING A DELIGHTFUL LUNCH ON THE TOWN! DOTACHIN'S TREAT!"

"!" Shizuo picked up a nearby table and Kadota grabbed the young doctor, diving to the floor as Izaya used the table to vault himself towards the other exit.

"Oh Shizu-chan! What a tease!"

"I'LL KILL YOU!"

The duo went sprinting from the building and Shinra wheezed on the ground, "Izaya's in a playful mood today."

"Why not, he just played us for some lunch." Kadota sighed, thinking of his rather expensive lunch. "At least I got-" He paused, staring drolly at the empty insides of his wallet. "Looks like I'm expecting a dinner companion as well."

"Ooh, that'll suck." Shinra looked over his shoulder and shook his head, "I wouldn't count on that. He borrowed some scalpels from me the other month. Didn't see them again for a month."

"What would Izaya need with scalpels?"

"Something about dissecting a monster. All I know is I found them a month later in Shizuo's arm."

"Come on, Shinra! You've gotta help me with this! I think he's getting bored, and you know what happens when he gets bored!"

"Well~" Shinra bit his lip.

"Come on, Shinra! I'll do just about anything."

"We could try hooking him up with Shizuo…"

Kadota stared at him blankly, "…you're kidding."

"SHINRA!" A body collided with the good doctor as he tried to speak. Erika nuzzled him in joy. "I want you as my doctor! You genius! Of course! SHIZAYA FOREVER!"

"Erika! There is no way he was serious."

Shinra shook his head, "actually, I think they would be perfect for one another."

"How?"

Erika spoke up, "come now! IzaIza is always taunting him, forcing Shizu-chan to prove himself at every turn, meanwhile, Shizu-chan is the only one who stands a chance at equaling IzaIza in any way, shape, or form."

Shinra shrugged, "I just think they enjoy messing with one another too much to be a normal non-sexual relationship."

"Bingo!" Erika hugged the doctor, "this man is a genius! I'm surprised Dotachin hasn't asked you out."

Shinra laughed, shaking his head, "I only have one love, and that is for my wifey~"

"Poor Dotachin~ Forever alone."

Kadota only shook his head, "so how the hell do we do this?"

"Woo! Shizaya setup plan!"

"We will tranquilize them and lock them away, wait for them to come to a consensus."

Kadota shook his head, "they'll agree to kill us then fight more."

Shinra winced, "aphrodisiacs?"

"Not long enough."

"The amusement park!" Erika grinned, "no one can resist an amusement park!"

Both men shook their heads, "cliché."

"Erika, why the hell would two grown men want to go there?"

The otaku grinned, "we set them up for a blind date, take something precious from both men to keep them together, and eventually, they will have to admit their feelings and we will have the perfect most beautiful yaoi pairing of all time!"

"Hah, that actually kind of sounds a bit possible."

"They'll lie." Kadota argued.

"No one cares what you think, Dotachin." Erika shooed at him, "go tell IzaIza to meet up at the amusement park later today."

"ugh… fine… I'm doing this to get my credit cards and id back."

"Whatever you have to tell yourself, jealous face."

Shinra stood up, brushing himself off before being grabbed by the otaku, "you need to get Shizu-chan on board. I'll handle the rest."

"Fine."

"Let's do this!"

~.~

Izaya shook his head as he sat on his computer chair, listening to the feed he'd received.

They were trying to make him date the monster of Ikebukuro? How sad. Were they that bored?

"You've got a guest." Namie glared at him, followed by Kadota.

"Dotachin! Namie-chan, get the man a cup of tea. He looks thirsty." Izaya spun in his chair, enjoying the summer heat radiating through his window.

"I just came to invite you to Erika's afternoon party."

"Oh?" Izaya looked over at him, "what would this be celebrating?"

"Her birthday."

"I believe that was months ago."

"No, it's today."

Izaya stopped abruptly in his spinning and nodded after a moment, "okay."

"wha- I mean, cool. She'll be happy to hear that you're coming."

"Anything for my beloved humans."

Kadota felt something was off, but ignored it, instead heading out of the office.

Meanwhile, Izaya looked over at his secretary.

"He was lying."

"Yes he was."

The woman rolled her eyes, "don't get yourself killed. I want my paycheck."

"Ah, so worried over my good health! Never fear, it is merely an attempt to get me to agree to impossible terms."

"He said Erika, you usually send her yaoi fics, and usually anything with that name attached to it is you and Heiwajima-san related, I'm guessing it's an attempt to group the two of you up?"

"We have a winner!" Izaya grinned, "it will be fun to see what they have in store for us, won't it, Namie-chan?"

"Not particularly."

"Such a party pooper." Izaya began to spin again in his seat, ignoring the woman as he went.

~.~

"_Now they're planning~ the crime of the century~" _ the informant walked down the street, singing along to his cellphone ringing to the song he had set for his beloved naïve otaku. "_well what will it be? Read all about, their schemes and adventurin'~"_

"I-za-ya~!" The blond glared at him as Izaya walked up to the amusement place. He had heard somewhat about this place, nothing too special though.

"Ah, Shizu-chan, fancy seeing you here."

"Get the hell out of Ikebukuro-"

"And here I was all invited," Izaya sighed, "what brings Shizu-chan?"

"…" Shizuo looked about ready to throttle him. "Flea, why the hell are you wearing that?"

Izaya looked down at his outfit, the white blouse and black jeans, the shirt revealing a bit of his chest, "what? Erika said I looked quite dashing. I must say it does give my skin a bit of a tanned look. I believe Erika's words were that I looked 'fuckable'." He watched the brute shudder a moment before growling at him.

"Just get lost, flea."

"Shizu-chan was waiting for me, ne?"

"What the hell gives you that idea?"

"Well, because my wonderful little information I received from Karisawa-san said that I was supposed to go up to the oh so kind gentleman in the blue jeans and white shirt. I must say, it's going to be quite a challenge to- Oh lookie! You're wearing that!"

Shizuo growled before turning, "fuck it, I'm not going."

"Oh no~!" A voice behind them both made them turn." Erika looked at them both and grinned, "date night for Shizaya!"

"Oh Karisawa-chan!" Izaya pouted, "how cruel of you, it should be Izuo."

"Nope, nope!" Erika grinned, "Shizuo tops."

"Mean face."

Shizuo rolled his eyes before turning, pulling out his cigarettes, "I'd rather die alone."

"That can be arranged, Shizu-chan."

Erika shrugged, "I guess I won't release Kasuka-san."

_That _immediately stopped the blond. "…what?"

"Oh yeah. I might have locked away Kasuka."

"Ooh~ ruthless." Izaya clapped as the blond looked about ready to kill the otaku. "how absolutely cruel. You should know that family is crossing the line, we stick to physical and emotional damage to the other person. No need for third parties."

"What the hell did you do to him!"

"Nothing… yet." The otaku grinned as Izaya laughed harder.

"Oh how perfect! Shizu-chan will kill a young woman and then I will get some ootoro and go home." He sat down on the nearby ledge and watched excitedly.

Erika looked at him and smiled, "I might have stolen all those precious knives of yours IzaIza."

"Oh how fun!" Izaya laughed, "you have such a pretty little imagination. I have th…em.. right…" He paused, feeling down his pockets a moment. Erika held the flickblade and grinned, pointing at the two.

"I will have you both going on a date, lovey-dovey date. I want yaoi."

"Sorry, no dice." Izaya sighed, "I have a very busy evening and-"

"Fine."

Izaya looked at the man and sighed, "well if Shizzy is so insistent. I suppose I could handle one evening…"

"That's the spirit!"

Shizuo glared at them both, "I'm only doing this for my brother, he better be freed. Then I will kill you both."

Izaya sighed, "see, it's so difficult to be on a date when the companion is so insistent on making you feel unwanted."

"I guess we will have to torture Kasuka-san." Erika fingered her phone and Shizuo gave in.

"Don't you dare!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Shizu-chan, what will you do?" Izaya looked over at him a moment before being picked up and carried to the park. "Oh, Shizzy, I have legs, I can walk."

"Not risking my brother's safety just because you want to back out."

"I was the one being thoughtful to your brother's safety." Izaya pouted as he was carried into the park, they paused at the ticket booth.

"Shit…"

"Does Shizu-chan have no money." Izaya grinned, pulling out a card, "let's have the criminal mastermind behind this wonderful evening pay for everything."

"Kadota?" Shizuo looked at the id the informant had and frowned.

"You didn't think Erika just automatically became a little deviant all by herself, did you?" He sighed, "stupid question, forget I asked."

"Have a great time in the park!"

"Where to first, Shizu-chan!"

"It's Shizuo!"

Izaya turned and pouted, "where's the fun in dating when you can't give your boyfriend a nickname?"

"I'm not your boyfriend and this is not a date."

"Shh. Don't say that too loud, Erika might hear you."

The man growled, "Fine _Iza-chan_. Let's go."

The informant grinned as he was led into the park. Oh but this should have been done months ago. Years ago even.

~.~

"I hate roller coasters." Shizuo stood next to the trash throwing up as Izaya shrugged.

"I warned you."

"You didn't even ride it."

"I like to be in control of where I am. No need to surrender my control of my life to some physics dependent contraption. With the way these roller coasters are, we're lucky the seat belts are created."

"Wimp."

"Says the man who's barfing up his lunch into a trashcan."

"It's stomach acid, dickwad. Someone didn't let me have a lunch time."

"That meanie, Tanaka-san! He should let my Shizzy-chan have a lunch!"

"I was busy chasing your dumbass out of town."

"I see, so he wouldn't even let you be with your boyfriend. How cruel."

"WE AREN'T DATING!"

"What are we doing right now, Shizu-chan."

"Gawd, just shaddup and let me puke in peace."

"Fine fine. Continue, Shizu-chan."

The blond went to wipe his mouth and Izaya stopped him, "what the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Wiping my mouth off."

"Not on your arm. That's disgusting. You are dating me now, while that was acceptable behavior before, you now have understand there are a set of mannerisms you should adopt. Such as a napkin or towel for wiping filth." Izaya grabbed a napkin from a nearby booth and tugged the man's face down, wiping around the man's mouth meticulously.

"Stupid ass flea…" Shizuo's face turned red as he waited for the brunet to finish.

"Now then, we shall go get something to eat since Shizu-chan has successfully built up an appetite. Oh, and some juice. Need to regain that energy of yours, although being a monster, you probably still have most of it, ne?"

"…" Shizuo said nothing as he was led along by the informant.

They ate in peace, ignoring the many more stares they received from the people of Ikebukuro, leaving soon after they spotted the otaku sitting nearby trying to hide under a false beard and moustache.

"Was that supposed to trick us?"

"Probably Shizu-chan."

"She must think we're idiots or something."

"She managed to capture your brother. That must mean something."

"…I always did get better grades."

Izaya just looked back at the blond a moment before shaking his head, "and people think you're an idiot. I honestly have no idea where they get such an idea."

"Maybe it's from some damn flea trying to make me out as one."

"Oh, come come. That's all in the past now, ne?"

Shizuo glared at him, "I'm only doing this for my brother."

"Of course." Izaya smirked a bit, it's not as though you suddenly have the perfect chance to further ruin any chances of me with another person in all of Ikebukuro."

"Like anyone would date you."

"Likewise, Shizu-chan."

The blond glared at him, not noticing the ride they were getting on.

Izaya sat down and looked out of the small compartment as Shizuo climbed in, he frowned as he sat down, "what the hell is that smell?"

"We get it Shizu-chan, you can smell me." Izaya sighed, "you don't need to remind me of that super sniffer of yours."

"No, it smells like… fish."

"We are near the market."

"True."

They both stared away from one another as the ferris wheel ascended, climbing up the great distance up into the sky. They were stopped at the top and Shizuo looked over at him.

"I never completely hated you until you started being an asshole."

"Oh, confession time?" Izaya looked over at him. "I wouldn't have become an asshole if it wasn't for Shizu-chan! Thanks!"

"Tch, you were an asshole from the start."

"Actually," Izaya countered, "I was starting my life on a clean slate, trying to actually make friends for once instead of ruining everyone's lives, if you hadn't so rudely claimed that I 'pissed you off' I probably would have become a completely different person."

"…" Shizuo looked away and Izaya grinned.

"But I love my damn job and my humans so it's fine."

"Yeah…"

Izaya leaned forward and grinned, "was Shizu-chan feeling guilty?"

"Why would I feel guilty over you?" The man glared at him, "you're a stuck up douche."

"So mean~" Izaya sighed, "I hope this ride ends soon, it's getting dark out here."

"Pfft, changing the subject."

"That's what I do. This is so boring~"

"So find something to do."

Izaya looked over at him, "what do you suggest?"

"I don't know, look at the peaceful part of the city."

The informant looked out to the buildings and pointed, "that window hides an affair, as does that one, that one, and that one. That one holds a meth lab. That one has a woman in debt so deep, that she is selling her body to that one's owner-"

"Damn it, flea!" Shizuo glared at him, "why can't you just enjoy the damn ride?"

"I get bored easily."

"Then find something to do besides depress me."

"Was I depressing Shizu-chan?"

"Yes!"

"Poor poor- HOLY MOTHER OF- WAHHHHHH!" Izaya screamed like a girl as he looked over at the blond and Shizuo leaped across the small compartment, silencing him by covering his mouth.

"Geez! What the hell is wrong with you? I think I've gone deaf!" Shizuo rubbed his ears as they rang and felt the informant shuddering under his hands. He frowned, "What the hell is going on?"

The informant only pointed.

On the floor of their small space, was a fish.

A dead fish.

"Yeah, a dead fish. Big whoop."

Izaya did the most unexpected thing of all time, he crawled right into his arms and buried his face into the blond's chest, shivering in what could only be fear.

It was just so out of the ordinary. It was so unusual that Shizuo could do nothing but stare at the shuddering body in his arms. He stared and stared. This was…

He wasn't sure exactly what to do.

It was… it was kind of endearing to see the oh so 'powerful' Izaya apparently weeping in his arms… over a dead fish.

He grinned a bit, rubbing the informant's back. "It's just a fish, Izaya."

"The eyes…"

Huh?

Shizuo looked at the fish again and shook his head, "it's just a dead fish. There's nothing scary about it."

"It's got those dead fish eyes…"

"You're afraid of dead fish eyes?"

"I hate you."

The flea looked up from his chest, red rimmed eyes and sniffling and Shizuo couldn't stop the one thought running through his mind.

_He looks cute…_

Whoa…

That was really messed up. He didn't… he was just doing this for Kasuka. Nothing else. The damn flea was probably faking just to fuck with him anyway.

"Shizu-chan~" Izaya squirmed, "stop putting your hand up my shirt~ perv."

Shizuo looked away, blushing as he retracted his hands from the informant. "Stupid bastard."

"Ne~ I didn't say let go. The fish is staring."

"Then get rid of it."

"Shizu-chan~ It's a dead fish!"

"Yeah, you eat them all the time."

"Shizu-chan is a monster!"

"Fine!" Shizuo kicked it out of the compartment and Izaya cheered as it fell.

"Sayonara fish-san!"

"Tch, a stupid damn fish…"

Izaya looked at him and smirked, "shizu-chan was trying to come onto me."

"Like hell I was."

Izaya turned and went to speak when lights blew in the air, the sounds of gun powder exploding. They both looked up to see the bright flashing lights of fireworks in the air.

"What the hell?"

"Oh yes, tonight's the last night for this place being open for the year," Izaya leaned against the blond's chest and watched the fireworks, snuggling in closer, "should have brought my coat."

"Why didn't you?"

"Why aren't you dressed like a bartender?"

"Erika."

"We have a winner~" The informant snuggled closer and Shizuo sighed, holding the man closer and watching the lights until they ended. The informant intertwined their hands, lacing their fingers together as they watched the celebration of the final night of the park. Shizuo leaned in lower, resting his chin on the informant's head, watching the fanfare. After what seemed like seconds, the informant adjusted his position, resting in between his legs, feeling what joy the blond was denying he was feeling.

The informant was suddenly well aware though, looking up, he caught the blond looking down at him. The lights in the now night sky reflected in those dark mocha eyes of his, making Izaya wonder just whether it was the sky itself or just his hormones kicking in by instinct.

The ex-bartender leaned down, pausing just moments from the informant's face. He hesitated, almost asking permission.

Izaya didn't pause in his closing the distance, wrapping his arms around the blond, kissing him upside down. He rolled over, closing the distance again and kissing deeper, standing on his knees and shutting his eyes as he went. The blond held him close and they suddenly forgot about the fireworks, distracted by their own new games.

The duo went to the floor of the compartment, their kisses turning more rough, needy for one another. The informant's blouse lost its top button as Shizuo took a hand and ripped the cloth apart, giving him ample view of the informant's chest. The informant mewed as the man went to work down his chest, fascinated with the lights flashing the pale skin all sorts of colors. He nipped, he teased, just listening to the new sounds from the informant.

The informant didn't let him get too far though, before Shizuo could latch onto a nipple, he found himself shirtless, losing his shirt to a seat as the informant tossed it aside and clung to him closer than the fabric could have ever dreamed.

Suddenly they were nowhere and everywhere at once. They fought for dominance like they fought for the streets of the city. Izaya would dig his nails into him, kissing and nipping like the flea he was, but Shizuo would bite down, lapping up the blood as he marked territory like the brute he was.

He didn't need the rest of the damn world, he was much too busy.

Izaya's damn red eyes seared him to the very depths of his soul as they lost more and more clothing to the other's hands. They moaned, the compartment rocking uncontrollably under the duo's activities. They would slide from one side to the other as the rocking grew and grew. Izaya laughed as he realized where they were again.

"Shizu-chan is too rough for the poor little booth."

"Like you're one to talk."

"True. True." Izaya smirked as he sank his nails into the man's back again. "But Shizu-chan likes it."

"Shut up and get back here."

"Oh, was I leaving?" The informant merely grinned a moment before the ride started back up. The duo both paused before frantically going for their clothes.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckkkkkk!" Shizuo pulled his shirt over his head and winced at the red staining through, "did you have to bite so hard?"

"You loved it. Just think of what I can do with a stable environment." Izaya winked before frowning at his own shirt, "you lost a button."

"You deserve it."

"Ah, Shizu-chan is so sweet, you make my teeth just wanna rot right out."

"Tch, shut up, we're almost to the bottom." The blond got back on his seat and they reached the bottom.

"Sorry," the employee apologized, "we had maintenance problems."

"It's fine." Izaya purred, grinning, "we had a grand old time."

"Yeah…" the employee stared after the brunet and Shizuo glared at him a moment before wrapping an arm around the informant.

"Yeah, it wasn't a big deal."

"Oh, um. Have a good night." The man turned quickly and Izaya snorted.

"Jealous?"

"Fuck no." _Don't fucking look at another person again, flea._

**Ah, but Shizu-chan gets so easily jealous. How cute~** Izaya turned away from him and sprinted towards the hall of mirrors, "ready for another area of fun, Shizu-chan? Catch me if you can~!"

"GET BACK HERE!" Shizuo chased after him towards the building, not noticing the name of the place…

~.~

_**A/N: AND~ CUT! Alright. That's all ya get for now. I mean, I could make this more than one chapter, but let's see what the humans say! For now, I shall retire to my domicile. I must write for my other wondrous fanfictions. So much to do, oh but this was quite cute, ne?**_

_** Review~ **_


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